In primary school I faked an asthma attack to get out of PE. The nurse called the ambulance and I was taken down the corridors in a wheelchair, to the shock of my classmates.
I tried to de-ice my mother’s new freezer with a knife. The knife broke through one of the gas lines, releasing all of the chlorofluorocarbon. This rendered the freezer forever useless and is my main contribution to global warming.
After a bath I used a towel to dry myself. The towel had last been used to dry a horse and had not been washed. Welts and rashes bloomed all over my body. I am allergic to horses.
I tried to steal biscuits from the top cupboard by standing on the rickety stool and reaching for them. The stool collapsed beneath me, plunging my right hand into a recently boiled kettle. The doctors had to peel away the outer layer of skin.
I’m 33, I live in Falmouth, Cornwall and I’m very careful.
http://www.thomaswalsh.moonfruit.com/
ComedySniper 